Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property wpdb::$categories is deprecated in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 668 Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property wpdb::$post2cat is deprecated in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 668 Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property wpdb::$link2cat is deprecated in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 668 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 554 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 595 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 535 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 544 Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 960 Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 980 Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 992 Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 1003 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::current() should either be compatible with Iterator::current(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 151 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::next() should either be compatible with Iterator::next(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 175 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::key() should either be compatible with Iterator::key(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 164 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::valid() should either be compatible with Iterator::valid(): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 186 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::rewind() should either be compatible with Iterator::rewind(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 138 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetExists($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 75 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetGet($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 89 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetSet($index, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 110 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetUnset($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 127 Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 199 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 396 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 388 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 382 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 400 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 78 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 72 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 59 Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 82 Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property Automattic\Jetpack\Connection\Manager::$error_handler is deprecated in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/vendor/automattic/jetpack-connection/src/class-manager.php on line 93 Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Instagram_Gallery::$is_wpcom is deprecated in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/class-wpcom-rest-api-v2-endpoint-instagram-gallery.php on line 23 Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Mailchimp::$wpcom_is_wpcom_only_endpoint is deprecated in /customers/5/b/c/cakh4hec6/webroots/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/class-wpcom-rest-api-v2-endpoint-mailchimp.php on line 17 Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property 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FAR…

14/01/2009
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Far 1973…

11 år med, 32 uden, næsten 3 gange så lang tid uden min far som med, det er vildt, for jeg husker ham så tydeligt og synes ikke at det er ret længe siden, at han gav mig en svingtur og en god historie, ham min Topper-far.

14.januar, jeg tror ikke, at jeg i et eneste af de 32 år, der er gået siden han døde, har glemt, at det var lige på denne dag, at min verden kom til at se så anderledes ud, i virkeligheden blev den jo aldrig den samme igen.

Den blev god igen, fin og hel, men for altid anderledes…

Jeg har ham altid med indeni, ja faktisk også udenpå, for jeg ligner ham rigtigt meget, jeg blev leveret i lidt mørkere farver end han, men profilen og mine hænders form er tæt på nøjagtig mage til.

Forleden var min Onkel Jesper, min fars storebror, her og han havde et silhouetklip med, som min far havde fået lavet i Paris først i 70’erne, og da jeg senere spurgte pigerne, om de kunne se, hvem det var, svarede de:

Dig!

Med kæk pandelok og stort adamsæble, mig?!

Men de har nok mest kigget på næse og mund, og kan selvfølgelig også kun forbinde det udseende med mig, de har jo aldrig set deres morfar, desværre…

32 år er rigtigt længe, men jeg bliver aldrig færdig med at savne og nok heller aldrig fri for at tænke hvad nu hvis.

Havde jeg været anderledes, hvis han ikke var død?

Ville vi ha’ været tætte, hvis han ikke var død?

Var han blev en blød og hyggelig morfar, hvis han ikke var død?

Jeg får det aldrig at vide, men jeg tænker alligevel, især i dag…

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14 Kommentarer

  • Reply Sifka 14/01/2009 at 23:53

    Sikke en dejlig gave, og adamsæble, eller ej, jeg kan godt se dig i det;)

  • Reply Julia 15/01/2009 at 08:26

    jeg kender så godt den følelse. Det er 3 år siden min mor døde, og jeg kan stadig ikke helt tro det. Hendes liv og død fylder så meget i mit liv, at hun nærmest er her – bare på emn anden måde. Det er meget svært at forstå med hovedet – det går kun med maven, følelserne og sjælen.

  • Reply Astrid 15/01/2009 at 08:27

    Jeg kan sagtens se, at du ligner ham – og selv om han ikke er der, så har han en masse positiv indflydelse i kraft af minder, nostalgi og ikke mindst “hvad nu hvis”… Jeg ligner også min far meget. Han har mange fejl, er ikke en særlig god eller tilstedeværende Morfar, og i det hele taget er der mange ting, som man bare er nødt til at se igennem fingre med. Jeg forsøger at tage det gode med mig og lade resten ligge. 🙂

  • Reply Bettina 15/01/2009 at 09:17

    Helt enig med pigerne, jeg troede først det VAR dig ind til jeg lige tænkte over titlen på indlægget igen. Din far havde vist en udpræget feminin side.
    Om man har sin far mede sig eller ej, ufrivilligt eller frivilligt, er man jo en sum af det produkt, han har været med til at skabe, tilstede eller ej. Jeg selv, der jo har fravalgt min far for lidt over et halvt liv siden, tænker også på ham om ikke hver dag, så et par gange om ugen – ikke nødvendigvis bevidste, formulerede tanker, men i glimt, i minder om oplevelser på godt og ondt… hvordan mit liv havde været, hvis ikke jeg havde fravalgt ham (og jeg ved det ville have været næsten radikalt anderledes), hvordan mine børn ville have haft det med deres morfar… man slipper dem nok aldrig, de tanker.

  • Reply Charlotte Illum Larsen 15/01/2009 at 10:21

    Jeg så ikke lige først adamsæblet – jeg syntes bare det lignede dig på en prik. Han har en stor plads i dit hjerte Anne… hvor er det dejligt. Knus fra Ærø

  • Reply Ulla V. 15/01/2009 at 13:22

    Kære Anne
    Da jeg for et år siden læste dit indlæg om gryderne og din far, kunne jeg ikke helt slippe din historie.

    Din store kærlighed til din far og hans gensidige følelser for dig, som tiden satte en stopper for, skabte på én gang varme og tristhed at læse om.

    De samme følelser får jeg i dag, når jeg se den fine silhouet af din far og læser de spørgsmål du desværre ikke kan få svar på.

    Din beskrivelse fortæller smukt om et stort savn, som du altid vil bære med dig, og som jeg på ingen måde kan sætte mig ind hvordan føles, da jeg stadig har begge mine forældre.

    Men allerstørst i dine indlæg virker stoltheden over din far og den vidunderlige person han må have været…jeg kan godt forstå, at du gerne ville, at dine børn havde kendt ham.

    Jeg håber, at jeg engang om mange år vil gøre mig fortjent til at blive husket lige så smukt af mine egne børn…

  • Reply Karin 15/01/2009 at 13:26

    Jeg har kun set ganske få billeder af dig her på siden og aldrig mødt dig, men alligevel var jeg ikke i tvivl da jeg så silhouetten. Jeg noterede mig dog adamsæblet og mente at det nok ikke lige sad på dig, så dit indlæg opklarede sagerne.

    Min mor mistede sin mor som 8 årig og jeg kan sagtens genkende dine spørgsmål. Hvad nu hvis…

  • Reply Anne 15/01/2009 at 15:00

    Ja, det var en rigtig dejlig gave, Sifka 🙂

    Døden bliver vist aldrig helt let at forstå eller rumme, Julia, men på en eller anden forunderlig vis smelter den sammen med os og bliver til at bære…

    Klogt valg, Astrid, at tage det gode med og lade resten ligge, det kan jeg kunne stemme for…

    Tankerne følger med, Bettina, lige meget hvorfor eller hvordan folkd forsvinder ud af ens liv.
    Det valg du har taget er ikke ligefrem let og omkostningsfrit, men jeg fornemmer, at det har været en nødvendighed, og så må det være sådan…

    Ja næsten lige på en prik, Charlotte 🙂

    Gryderne, Ulla, godt husket! Og ved du hvad, den der blandede følelse af varme og tristesse, det er nok noget i den retning jeg selv føler.
    Og ja, lad os håbe på, at vi er i verden på en måde, der får vores børn til at mindes med glæde…

    Ret så markant opstopper, Karin, den sidder der lige midt i fjæset og er svær at komme udenom 😉
    Der ligner vi helt sikkert hinanden, ham Topper og jeg…

  • Reply Karin 15/01/2009 at 16:10

    Sikke man altid får øje på de “kedelige” ting selv. Næ, jeg genkendte nu mere munden og hagen faktisk. Du har jo altså ikke lagt så mange billeder af dig selv i profil ud på bloggen 😉 men munden kunne jeg “dreje” i hovedet.

  • Reply Helle K. 15/01/2009 at 16:48

    Sådan skal det være – hvis vi ikke har så mange minder, så kan vi forestille og hvis nu… jeg mistede min far da jeg var 5 og har det lidt på samme måde 🙂

  • Reply Pernille 15/01/2009 at 18:46

    Det var en fantastisk ting at få.
    Jeg kan ikke lade være med at tænke, at sådan uventet at få, så lang tid efter, måske varmer ekstra meget, fordi der nu er tid at at glædes 🙂

  • Reply Nina 15/01/2009 at 23:08

    Man slutter aldri å savne de man har elsket. Det er nok prisen for kjærlighet. Livet blir aldri helt det samme uten de man helst skulle hatt med seg videre. Jeg mistet mammaen min først til sykdom da jeg var 12 – før hun ble til en engel for noen år siden. I fjor misten jeg min aller, aller største trygghet i livet, morfaren min. Ettårsdagen for dette nærmer seg. Kroppen min lengter etter hendene hans. Etter roen hans. Jeg tenker at de ville likt at jeg tenker på de og savner de.
    Ønsker deg en fin helg 🙂

  • Reply Tanni 17/01/2009 at 20:32

    Smukke ord og tanker til din far. Stærkt!

  • Reply HeidiBF 20/01/2009 at 08:47

    Hej Jeg har ikke været herinde før, men kom forbi via en gang (u)seriøs formiddagsblogsurfing 😉 Det her ramte bare lige plet… Det med at livet er blevet anderledes og ‘hvad nu hvis?’, når en nær er død.
    Hej fra Heidi

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